We Forget

Tonight I was reading back through old blog posts that I wrote, but never actually posted. I came upon one that I had entitled "Happiness". The post began as so:

"Ever wonder why you are here? What is your purpose?" 

Ever since the car accident I have dealt more readily with this question of purpose. I often cry out to God, asking him why he can't just send down an angel to tell me plain and clear what I am to do with my time here on earth. But God doesn't work like that. Life is a journey. It is a path that twists from side to side, backtracks, and continues on forward.

Search.
Seek to find.

Think of the little things, the simple things you love in life. When looking back through this old post, "Happiness", I read of my snow day adventure with good friends.

"Cold snow, a smack in the face, snow built up in my ear. Wonder. Pure happiness as the snowflakes fell, dancing downward. Laughter". 

So often we get overwhelmed by the big questions in life that we forget the little. We forget the days of building snow forts. We forget the intensity of snowfall fights. We forget to watch the snowflakes fall, drifting down one by one. We get so wrapped up in the crazy big questions. We forget. We forget what pure happiness is.

"Lord, this is yours"

Content loneliness. That is what I felt as I sat there among the beauty: the trees, the lake, the blue sky.

And there among the beauty, I made a wish.
I threw my lucky penny into the lapping waters of the mighty Lake Superior.

But November 11 of 2011 was more to me than just a day to make the perfect wish. I stood there, in awe, I gave control over to God. I didn't wish; I prayed. It was a prayer of giving over to God. A prayer where I threw my hands up into the air and said "Lord, this is yours".

Before I left the rocky shore of Lake Superior I stood on the highest rock and said these words over and over again: "I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all".

Each time I struggle with peace of mind, fear, loneliness, and uncertainty I return to this prayer, and I am reminded that God has got this.

Swing Away The Thoughts

At the hour most people are deep in slumber, I lie awake.

3:30am: I sat there watching, hearing the rain pour down outside my window.
As I sat there I couldn't shut off the valve of thoughts. Each thought racing after another, one by one, running.

Just because I am getting older doesn't mean I can't have a carefree mind of child like innocence. Just because I see the hurts and struggles of this world doesn't mean I can't be wild and free.

For me I search for ways to connect with childhood. Ways to connect to a carefree mind; connect to a time where each thought in the race floats away, even if just for a minute.

My way of connection: swings.
They embody fun: soaring high, feeling your stomach drop as you come back down. Yet swings, swings are so much more to me than a rush of adrenaline. Swings allow all the thoughts to float away. It is as if my thoughts float up with me, then drift off high into the sky, and don't come back down with me.

Swings are innocence.
Swings are letting go of each thought in the race.
Swings are finding you in your childhood innocence.


As I sat there watching the clock tick closer to 4am, I wished I was on a swing, swinging away the thoughts.

No Harm In It

Sunshine.
You can't go wrong with sunshine.
Add a cup of Vanilla Rooibos tea to your day, and you got yourself a good day.

Lately I have been addicted to Starbucks Vanilla Rooibos tea. I find myself wandering down to Starbucks a couple times a week to grab a cup. No harm in that, right? Well when I have ten plus different kinds of teas sitting in my dorm room, the last thing I should be doing is buying a grande cup of tea.

But the thing is on a day like today, with the sun shining and birds chirping, a cup of tea from Starbucks just adds to the wonderfulness of the day. And I believe there is no harm in buying a cup of tea when it makes your day that many times better than it already was.

Some Things Never Change

There are some things that never change.
Is that statement true or not? I don't know.

Yet, one thing has remained the same throughout the past eighteen years of my life: grandpa's cookies.

His cookies have always filled the cookie jar. As a child, and even now I can't leave my grandparent's house without a cookie in hand.

These cookies aren't anything grand, just the plain old packaged ones from Family Fare. But to me these cookies are priceless. They represent time spent at my grandparents. They represent: tractor driving, tent sleeping, walking down to the river, honey collecting times with my grandpa.

These cookies are my favorite; no matter what they will always be.

New Shoes and a Messed Up Toe

For those of you who know me, you know I love my Chaco sandals. Ask me sometime and I can rattle off reason upon reason as to why I have a love affair with these sandals.

Yesterday was a treat. Why? Because I got a new pair of Chacos. Yep you heard right folks pair number five arrived via UPS yesterday. Needless to say they didn't sit in the box for long. Before you knew it I was strutting abound the house in a brand new spanking pair of Chacos.

Downside, I can only wear the left sandal for the next couple days.
Today I got two chunks of my big toe nail on my right foot cut out due to an ingrown toenail. But hey, it isn't stopping me from wearing my Chacos, even if one foot must remain "Chacoless".

Worth It

Donating blood. It is on a lot of people list of "things to do before I die", but it was never on mine.

Never.

I am not that scared of needles, or at least no more then the average person. What freaked me out was the length of time you sit there with that darn needle shoved into your arm. That scared me the most.

But.
I gave blood this past Tuesday
Yep, you heard me right. I gave blood and I am still here to tell the tale.

It took one friend; one good friend to convince me to give.
Don't get me wrong, I held out in my stubbornness for some time. But in the end I gave in.

I was pale in fear from the moment I awoke Tuesday morning; wondering what the world I had gotten myself into the night before.
I drank water all day, and looked for reason after reason as to why I would be unable to give blood.

3:30 came. I found my friend, already busy filling out paperwork. I stood before him with shear panic on my face. I just couldn't do it.
I just couldn't.
But, much to my disappointment I passed through each step, and there I stood in that line ready (or in my case not so ready) to give away a pint of blood.

Why? Well I could rattle off a number of reason as to why I was standing in that line Tuesday. One reason: to help save lives.
I helped save a life.
I did it.
And.
It was worth it. Each and every ounce of blood was worth it. Each second the needle was stuck in my arm was worth it.

Would Faith Survive?

In church today our pastor talked about having joy, joy in Christ. He talked about how joy in Christ can help you see light even in darkness. Somewhere in the sermon he referred to the holocaust and it got me thinking... 

What if. 

What if I was a child in the holocaust?

How would my faith be different?

What if life was turned so upside down that I didn't know right from left. If life felt so helpless, lost.

Would I have joy?

Would my joy in Christ overcome my fear of death? Would my joy carry me through? Would I believe in a better day, or would I be caught in fear?

Would fear take over, or would faith survive?