Friends, I'm back!

My dear mother and grand blogger herself has nominated me for an award. This award has come at time, well, so perfectly timed. I have begun to embrace my blog once more. I have ached for it in the past months, but with the fullness of life it was tucked into a corner untouched.
I am grasping for it once more. I need it. I need to let the words flow once more. I've got ideas... the importance of lemon zest, you deserve someone who calls you beautiful, farmer jane, plus I am including a new addition FOOD.

But back to the point of this post. I've been nominated, in which I am ever grateful. I am choosing to embrace the award, but yet not passing it on. One, I don't follow enough blogs in the blogging world to nominate ten people in return. And two, I want to put my emphasis into writing, not awarding.

Yet, I thought it would be fun to answer the ten questions posed for the nomination. And link you all back to the wonders of the one who nominated me.

One. Favorite Movie?
Currently, I love Julie and Julia.

Two. What are you reading right now?
The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien

Three. Sweet Potatoes or Russet Potatoes?
Sweet Potatoes, yum!

Four. Honey or Sugar?
Honey [my grandpa's to be exact].

Five. Favorite Weekend Activity?
The cliche college student answer of sleeping in, but also to note I love the Saturday morning Farmer's Market.

Six. What decade would you most liked to have lived in?
1920's, The Great Gatsby is my inspiration here.

Seven. Makeup or a la natural?
I love the idea of a la natural, but I have to be honest I wear makeup. The bare minimum though of only foundation and mascara.

Eight. Tea or Coffee?
Now that is a silly question, TEA!

Nine. Sweet or Salty?
I love a combination, but lean towards sweet.

Ten. Thing that you are most proud of accomplishing this year?
Embracing, learning, and perfecting the art of cooking and baking.

I filled a jar for you, for me, and for the dreamers.

It is a jar filled. Filled with not so finely folded papers. Tiny, little papers. Not large sheets one would write a letter on. Just scraps. Pieces that had no meaning until the ink of the pen landed upon them. With the meeting of ink to paper, prayers form. Prayers of hope, hope for the future. The prayers of pain, the pain of yesterday, of heartbreak; the fear of tomorrow. Prayers of loss, confusion, uncertainty. Those tiny, once unused pieces of paper now hold the prayers of the young and old; the hopeful and the heartbroken.

They are prayers collected. Written, spoken, read in the body language of the sweet souls that have sat across the table from me. From the people I have encountered; the friendships that have been molded.
Collected.
Then nestled in the chair, I pull out each prayer. One by one. And pray for you.

Remember that time we talked, with the coffee stained table between us, cups of tea warming our winter worn hands. You told me about your fears and dreams. 
I wrote them down. Each one. Because prayers are not a one person deal. Those little things you told me with a smile spread across your face, those bigs things you whispered to me with a voice shaken by confusion. I wrote them down.

I filled a jar for you. For me. For the loss souls, the broken hearted. And for the young dreamers.

What I have been learning.

It begins with a rocking chair and tea.

Tea in a cup, hand crafted by the humble hands of a human. A human broken in a broken world. Unending pain, anger, confusion. Yet even amongst the broken, shattered pieces of this world joy is found. Joy is found while shaping a vessel of clay. A cup is shaped, which holds the fine perfection of tea. Tea that is sipped by me as I contemplate life from a rocking chair.

Five things to think on. Five things to comtemplate as I look out at big sky country. The mountain range of perfection. Why am I here? Why has God placed me here? In it I must be gentle, humble, and quiet. Listening is the key to the art of quietness. Here in this place I listen. I approach with gentleness and desire to hear. To hear the stories of broken people. I too listen for the voice of the Creator who shaped each triangle, each misshaped mountain. Among it all I pray for peace, discernment, for time. I pray among people. I pray alone. Praying for the brokenness of the Rez, the people I've encountered. And selfishly I pray for me, for my brokenness. I seek. Oh how I seek. In patience, I have received. And I've found peace in my quietness. Last, I remember that the shadow proves the sunshine. The trials of the beginning weeks. The baggage, the fear, the confusion, the uncertainty. How those trials have illuminated the greatness of the Creator. To go to the mountains, to seek our Creator. How I've grown. I find myself broken as all humans are. But I find hope in a Creator who has shaped the sky, the mountains, and me.

The best book of poetry begins with "In the beginning..."

Poetry is a powerful form of language... of writing... of art. An honest poem can cause a reader to burst out in pure laughter; it can cause them to weep tears of sorrow and pain. A raw, real, all natural poem pulls at the heartstrings of the reader. They connect. 

Poetry is powerful. It is writings of one observer, read by another. A poet is a creator, and the best poet is our Creator. And the best book of poetry begins with "In the beginning..".

This idea of the Bible as one giant work of poetry has come about in the past. Past sermons I've listened too, talks I've heard, discussions I've been a part of; needless to say I've heard this idea before. But it did not come to full reality until I attend a conference this past April. The focus of the conference: connecting arts to the heart of God.

Over the course of the two day conference I witnessed the lyrical songs of Josh Garrels, attended workshops on the sacred art of listening, creative writing as a spiritual disciple, and the many purposes of song.

The discussion, the seed planting idea of the Bible as poetry was brought forth in one the main sessions. When Tim Mackie read the piece below from Isaiah 30: 9-18. It was during his reading that I become head over heels for the poetry of our Creator.

THIS is what sold me, convinced me...
[Bring out the inner poet within you as you read this aloud]:

For these are rebellious people, deceitful children,
     children unwilling to listen to the Lord's instruction.
They say to the seers,
     "See no more visions!"
and to the prophets,
     "Give us no more visions of what is right!
Tell us pleasant things,
     prophesy illusions.
Leave this way, get off this path,
     and stop confronting us
  with the Holy One of Israel!"
Therefore this is what the Holy One of Israel says:
     "Because you have rejected this message,
          relied on oppression
          and depended on deceit,
     this sin will become for you
          like a high wall, cracked and bulging,
          that collapses suddenly, in an instant.
     It will break in pieces like pottery,
          shattered so mercilessly
     that among its pieces not a fragment will be found
          for taking coals from a hearth
          or scooping water out of a cistern."
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
     "In repentance and rest is your salvation,
          in quietness and trust is your strength,
          but you would have none of it.
     You said, 'No, we will flee on horses.'
          Therefore you will flee!
     You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses.'
          Therefore your pursuers will be swift!
     A thousand will flee
          at the threat of one
     at the threat of five
          you will all flee away,
      till you are left
          like a flagstaff on a mountaintop,
          like a banner on a hill."
     Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
          therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
     For the Lord is a God of justice.
          Blessed are all who wait for him! [Isaiah 30: 9-18]

Words are powerful... they shape futures, they change lives. Poems are words. The words of the best book of poetry can shape futures and change lives.

You, you with your humility...

My someday child I picture you with your head resting upon the pink hued pillow, curls filling the empty void of space around your sweet face. Lips perfectly lined as you dream sweet dreams, counting sheep as they dance along in your mind.  

As I stand alongside your bed, watching you sleep, I let these thoughts fill my mind. Words of prayer being whispered into the still room. Child, remain humble. Hold tight to the humility you posses at the young age you are. Clench it in your fist and never let go. Have the patience of calm. When you face the trials of busy, of exhaustion, of failure hold tight to the ship flying the flag of patience. 

credit to Elizabeth Blank Photography

Be kind. Be gentle. Hold fast to gentleness. Do not let the winds of this world pull gentleness and grace from you. In your humility, patience, kindness, gentleness... love. Love those who need love; love all for we all need love. Find the little, the small, and love on it. Love in weakness, in loss, in beauty.  

Be the light on the hill. Shine for your Creator; the one who has crafted the being of you. Shine! Shine your light around the world. In the being of you be what you are called to be. Even in the darkness of uncertainty, in fear. Step out on the edge and try. Try, fail. Fail and learn. Try, try again, and conquer. Conquer the world with love.  

My someday child with your soft curls, your porcelain skin fill yourself with humility, patience, kindness, gentleness, and love.

Searching for your story

When you are stuck, you desire a place of creative inspiration. A place filled with overwhelming creativity. A desk overlooking a garden filled with bright colored poppies. A quaint coffee shop on the corner between Central and Eighth. A room where rustic wood lines the walls, covered in vintage black and white photographs.

Photographs of stories. The wrinkled hands of a Navajo woman. The portrait of a flapper girl from the twenties. A "in the moment" snapshot of a young girl wrapped in the beauty of the ocean, searching.
How often we search. We search for meaning, words, stories, lives. We search for people, spouses, children. We search for meaning greater than our own. For faith.
We search.
Now I search for the words to type because I am stuck. I am stuck without words. My writing has halted, stalled.

In one month I will search for adventure. I will wander the mountains, the open field, the mighty big sky. I will search the sky for faith. I will stand arms open. Listening.
Listening for the words I seek. Standing in the purple field of love, from the handiwork of a Creator who loves me. Even in the weeks I fail to bow my head and whisper up a silent prayer. The days I fail to acknowledge a might greater than mine. He loves me.

I am tired of searching. Aren't we all. We see the photographs lining the wall and think they won in their search. Yet the Navajo woman searched for a place to call home as her land was swept out from beneath her. As her culture, her language was torn away from her in rooms boarded with rules. Searching for HER story in the midst of it all. The twenties flapper searched for beauty, for love. She threw herself at the word, searching for acceptance. The young girl at the ocean searched for a stone, a shell. For a smile and a hope.

Add your photograph to the wall. Will you be bent over a typewriter searching for a story. Huddled over a cup of tea searching for the words to say. The life to live. Here is a hint: stop searching for your story and start living it.

To those who taught

You sit at the table, carved down by the gnarled hands of a man whose spot now sits empty. You were young, the day that spot opened up, left for dust to collect on, but felt the pain. You lost a gentle hand to carry you through.
It has been years now since that spot was filled with the warmth of a body. Yet each day you head to the barn, cling to the wheel of the tractor, and feel the spot where his hands once held tight. You run your hand over the spot on the seat worn thin from Wrangler jeans.
So this day you will remember a man who taught you to work hard and never stop. To love through action, through silent words.

*A few months back I stumbled on this blog by Hannah Brencher through Good Women Project, and whoa! What a grand read. I was inspired, caught up in each word I read. She has the art of writing finely perfected. She knows how to pull your heart strings, and the ones connected to thought. She gets you thinking. That is what blogs are for, as much as they are for selfish pleasure of pouring thought into reader, it is as much a place for thought creation.
My hope, my wish is that one day my blog will become so finely tuned, that my words will have the impact of Hannah's; that I can provoke thought and create dreams.
So that is why todays piece is written as it is. It is a piece written to honor those who served, who loved, and who taught. On this Memorial Day take time to remember the people, like the grandfather above, who taught us to work hard and never stop loving through action. Oh and do not forget to check out Hannah's blog.

Five things to think on

First, to provoke thought:
why does God have me where I am?

A question I ask myself often, but a good one to think on. God is using us in every moment of every day. Be happy with where you are now, even if you'd rather be in a different place.

Second, to strive to be:
humble, gentle, and quiet

"Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." -1 Peter 3: 4

Third, to do more of:
PRAY

Prayer is strong. A friend recently shared a story of prayer with me, her experience brought me to tears. Prayer is powerful. Prayer is not limited to before each meal; be in constant communication with God. 

Fourth, to remember:
when you seek, you receive

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29: 13

Fifth, to know:
that the shadow proves the sunshine

The trials of life illuminate the greatness of God's love and grace. We have to climb the mountain in order to enjoy the view from the top.

Those days...

You know those days. 

Those days were you're tired of watching the rainy mixture of snow fall. Those days 

when you've had enough of walking on ice.

When you are tired of studying, even though you have yet to open your notes.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I needed to get away. And I couldn't simply drive home. 

Instead, I made my way to Donkers' for lunch. 

It was delicious. My stomach had been crazing real food.

The half-and-half combo is my new favorite. 

Half a Tuna Melt and a cup of Creamy Portobello soup, yum!

10 things you may not know about me

One. I have a fear of mice.
Laugh all you want, but it is true. I can share multiple stories about my run-ins with mice.

Two. I never mastered the art of roller skating.
Sad, I know.

Three. I am addicted to Chaco sandals (and the Chaco tan).
This is no secret.

Four. I have two fake teeth.
It is true. This past summer I had two bridges placed in my mouth because two adult teeth never came in.

Five. I have traveled to eight National Parks.
Acadia in Maine, Denali in Alaska, Glacier Bay in Alaska, Glacier in Montana, Grand Canyon in Arizona, Petrified Forest in Arizona, Rocky Mountain in Colorado, and Yellowstone.

Six. I am an only child.

Seven. I came to college planning to become a wildlife biologist.
And now I am a History major (you just never know).

Eight. I love backpacking.
Again, not really a secret.

Nine. I love to wish on 11:11.
I even skipped my Biology class on November 11, 2011 at 11:11 in order to make the most of the moment.

Ten. I own 21 pairs of Smartwool socks.
They last forever.

Connecting

A few Sundays back our pastor gave a sermon on connection. At the tale end of his sermon he outlined six practical steps to connecting with others. I wrote them now for me and for you because when it comes down to it, we can all work on being better people.

1) Identify those who may need your connection.
Although when we're honest with ourselves everyone needs connection. Challenge yourself to find talk with the quiet girl who sits behind you in History, share a smile with the lady at the checkout at the grocery store, make an effort to reach out. 

2) Do not wait for them to act first.
"Always do what you are afraid to do." -Ralph Waldo Emerson  

3) Communicate.
Easier said than done. Start with a smile, then a hello. 

4) Empathize.
No one is perfect, when it comes down to it we all share in the same struggles, pains, and joys.  

5) Listen.
Listen when rearranged makes the word silent. Listen by being silent. 

6) Respond with a gift.
Lunch at their favorite restaurant, homemade cookies, or my personal favorite a handwritten note. 

Every fiber of our being

Since last fall I have been "leading" a Bible Study on campus. I don't like to use the term leader because I not any wiser, smarter, or scholarly than any of the other girls who attend the study. Rather I see myself as the facilitator: sending out the emails, texts, and coordinating time and place. Last semester we worked our way through Hebrews. The idea behind the study is to take a deeper look into a book of the Bible, one chapter at a time. Each week we read the chapter together, then on our own, and then come back together as a group to discuss likes, dislikes, things we found intriguing or confusing.

I fell in love with this idea and have begun implementing the same idea into my personal quiet time. Currently I am weaving my way through 1 Peter. It is taking me some time to get through the book, as there is so much packed into each chapter. I have been breaking chapters down into sections in order to dig a bit deeper.

Today I read from chapter four verses one through eleven. As I basked in the sunshine I found the words hitting me in all the right places. I began jotting down thoughts in my notebook, and here is what I came up with.

First, you need to live for the will of God.
Honestly, I don't know what this looks like. It's something I have wrestled with during these college years. For now I am taking each day as it comes, moment by moment. I am trusting God.

Second, you need to be clear minded and self-controlled "so that you can pray".
Whoa! Two things I know I need to work on, especially when it comes to prayer. I am not clear minded or self-controlled, rather my mind wanders and I begin to think of what else needs to be done. Something for me to work on.

Third, love each other.
Love is the greatest commandment. "As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love". -2 John 1: 6

Fourth, do so without grumbling.
How often do you grumble? I think so often we think of kids grumbling at not wanting to clean their room or help wash dishes. But, we all do it in one form or another. "There are two ways each of us can approach life: spending our days meeting our need or looking for ways to meet others' needs. The mystery is what when we spend out life focused on out own needs, we are never satisfied and our deepest needs never seem to be met. But when we pour out our life and focus on how we can serve others, not only do we find incredible fulfillment, but our deepest needs are met as well." -Eric Ludy

Last, SPEAK with the very words of God and SERVE with the strength God provides.
A reminder that God is in every fiber of our being.

I'm a crazy, library loving, college student

Five hours later I find myself slightly ahead on my homework. 

Arriving shortly after two in the afternoon I watched as night fell over the city of Marquette. It brings me to the awareness that I have been sitting in one spot for far too long. It is time to call it a night and bask in the accomplishment of the vast amount of pages read, notes taken, and words typed.

Bits of Kindness

I have this little book called Highlighted in Yellow: A short course in living wisely and choosing well. The very first chapter is on kindness. It lists out thirty four different ways to show kindness on a day to day basis. The end of the chapter offers you a bit of homework to work on in the week ahead.

All thirty four ways are great, and I highly recommend you pick up a copy of the book for yourself.

Here are five of my favorites:

1. Smile a lot. It costs nothing and is beyond price.
"They might not need me, but they might; I'll let my head be just in sight. A smile as small as mine might bePrecisely their necessity." -Emily Dickinson  

2. Call a nursing home or retirement center and ask for a list of the residents who seldom get mail or visitors. Send them a card several times a year. Sign it, "Someone who thinks you are very special".
"Alone and without love we die. Life itself is as dependent on relationships with other as it is on food." -M.N. Beck  

3. Whenever you hear an ambulance siren, say a prayer for the person inside.
"More things are wrought by prater than this world dreams of." -Alfred, Lord Tennyson 

4. Make a habit to do nice things for people who'll never find out.
"That best portion of a good man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love." -William Wordsworth 

5. When going through the checkout line, always ask the cashier how she's doing.
"Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of pleasures, costs nothing, and conveys much. It pleases him who gives and him who receives and this, like mercy, is twice blessed." -Erastus Wiman

Here is to health, adventure, and trusting God

Preface 

Every year after the clock strikes I wait for that aha moment; that moment where all of a sudden I want to wake up at 6am, go for a run, be productive, and lose 10lbs. I am waiting for all that in a single clock change. When it comes down to it there is no aha moment. At least not for me. What I have come to realize is that aha moment can come anytime, any day of the year. It is all in the mind. None of this has to do with clock flipping to 12:00. No, it can happen at 4:04 in the afternoon if you want it to.

Here is to health, adventuring, and trusting God 

Do not get me wrong, I like the new year. I too treat it as a time to look back at the year past, and to look to the year ahead. Every New Year's Eve I make a trip to Mt. Pisgah (the "mountain of Holland", which is a big sand dune). I trudge my way 100+ stairs, take in the view of Big Red for a brief second, and then make my way down the trail.

Then I divert.

I know, I am one for rule following, but this is the one time I break them. I squeeze between two fences and work my way to the dune's edge. I find a spot; a spot where fellow dune climbers won't spot the girl who jumped the fence. I nestle down, pull out my journal, and write.

I write of the good, bad, and uglies from the past year. And then I turn the tables and write of the year ahead. I always take a tiny piece of paper with me, and on that paper I jot down my goals for the year ahead. I take a couple pictures of the paper, fold it into a square, and bury it in the sand. Before I bury it I say a prayer, praying for the goals scrawled across that tiny paper. My hope has always been that when times get tough, I can come back to that spot. It has been a challenge since I now spend most of my time 8 hours away.

This year I have three goals. First, to be healthier. Second, to adventure more. Third, to trust God.

So here is to a new year. One filled with the good and bad, the joys and tears.

A year of health and adventure.

A year to trust God.

Conclusion

Don't wait for that aha moment, BE the aha moment.